The Many Fine Paternal Qualities of the Bureaucrat

Let me just say that, short of my own father, I believe that the Bureaucrat is the most perfect daddy on the planet.  And I'm not just saying that because I don't have a Father's Day present for him this year.  I swear.

In honor of Father's Day (present-less though it may be), I would like to take a moment to reflect on all the outstanding fatherly qualities that we find in my loving husband, the Bureaucrat.

 Sense of humor:  The Bureaucrat has the sense of humor of a 4 year old.  Hence, the Anarchist and the Dictator find him absolutely hilarious.  After all, he was the one who taught them to laugh uproariously every time someone "makes a fart."  I'm so proud.

Gentleness:  The Bureaucrat may not be a rough-and-tumble wrestling-on-the-floor type of father, but who needs that anyway?  The Anarchist does enough wrestling for the whole family.  Instead, the Bureaucrat is known for his gentleness.  Just look at how he holds that preemie.  He didn't crush it or anything!







Responsible with Money:  As in, he pays the bills...on time...without forgetting  a single one.  To me, that's fairly impressive.  I have such high standards.  (Notice that in this picture the Bureaucrat is looking a little concerned about how much money is being spent on souvenirs.  Notice how I am oblivious to his concern as I peruse more neato things we can buy).

Awareness of his Surroundings:  Play Where's Waldo? with me for a second.  Do you see the Bureaucrat in this insane crowd of people?  I bet he didn't lose a single child that day.  Yet another way in which the parenting skills of the Bureaucrat  balance out my...umm..parenting skill-lessness.  I mean, he notices super subtle things like, if he's walking through a puddle of battery acid, or if one of the children is stuck under the couch, or if something has inadvertently caught on fire.  We can't all be as observant as you, dear Bureaucrat (and here I'm speaking mostly of myself and the Dictator).  Thank goodness you're around!

Patience/Steadiness:  The Bureacrat quells the neurotic tendencies of the Dictator and the manic qualities of the Anarchist with his calm, steady, non-frenetic demeanor.  He has the patience to do things like build toys out of cardboard without once flying into a fit of rage and pitching the cardboard out the window/at the cat/into the face of the nearest bystander.  I call that good parenting.

Appreciation for who his children are:  The Bureaucrat himself probably never had any loft ambitions of his children being ballerinas/cowgirls/race car drivers/gymnasts, but he'll support them no matter what.  He'll even sit in a hot sweaty gym on Father's Day to watch his kids attempt cartwheels and one-footed hopping.  Now that's love.




The Ability to Teach:  Despite the fact that the Bureaucrat has now officially left the profession of teaching, he retains his desire to instruct everyone...about everything.  Just the other week, he couldn't resist teaching the Dictator all about tornadoes and hurricanes.  She's already building a storm shelter.  And a few days ago, he saw fit to explain to the bug-phobic Anarchist that the only ants that bite you are red ants, like the ones he grew up around in Louisiana.  She now lives in holy terror of "red ants from Louisie,"  And of course, he's also a stickler for vocabulary.  He still trying to get the Dictator to use "dichotomy" in a sentence.  Afraid of losing all friends for all times, she's wisely chosen to ignore this request.

High, yet Obtainable Standards:  The Bureaucrat sets the bar high: "Of course she can read...she's three," "I want to hear you ask for that cracker without screaming," and "I think you're old enough to use a fork when eating spaghetti," are commonly-heard phrases in our house.  Guess which accomplishment is the only one that either of our children has actually achieved (hint: it doesn't involve food or basic civilized etiquette).

He's a "Good Finder:"  Okay, I may have exaggerated this trait in an attempt to avoid having to look for small, missing toy dinosaurs myself, but that doesn't negate the fact that the trait exists.  Do you know how many times this heroic man found the Dictator's pacifier in the pitch dark black of night as she screamed bloody murder?  I'll tell you how many...too many.




He's the World's Best Role Model:  Whether it's showing his children the value of a strong work ethic, working calmly through problems, or the importance of relaxing with a "bottle," the Bureaucrat is always living out his values to the utmost.  And his children are the better for it.  We love you, Bureaucrat!  Happiest Father's Day! 

 P.S.  This was your present.