Handwriting, Homework and Hu: beating the Chinese one pencil stroke at a time.

Flashback to 1995:  A roomful of wide-eyed eighth graders is receiving a rousing lecture from the Superintendent of the school district on the importance of science and language in the curriculum.  “We need YOU to be able to compete globally.  It will be essential that each and every one of you take four years of Spanish computer programming and engineering in order for our country to continue to thrive!”  he says with a great deal of certainty.  My urbane, and way-more-cultured-than-the-rest-of-us friend looks up with a bemused grin, sets aside the legwarmer she is knitting (way ahead of the knitting trend), and asks how it is essential for ALL of us to learn these things, considering some of us might intend to go into the arts.  “Why do I need to learn Spanish and computer programming if I intend to pursue a career in dance?  And what about the importance of developing a greater cultural understanding and a base of creative citizens through encouraging a wider education in the liberal arts and humanities?”  The Superintendent looks at her with a look that says that the answer should be clear to everyone—and which also, I believe, proves how foreign the concepts of humanities and culture are to his business-consumed mind—and says, “To beat the Chinese of course!”*

Flash forward to 2011:  A classroom full of exhausted and confused kindergarteners is darting frantically from station to station, practicing handwriting, counting by 2s, 5s and 10s, memorizing sight words, and working diligently on fine motor development.  The little boys are bored, discouraged and antsy, as they would much prefer to fling blocks at each other.  The little girls are tired and dazed from trying so hard all day long.  No one gets play time; no one gets recess.  Watch out China…we’re catching up!

 

The Dictator traces the number "6" with agonizing
concentration.  All for the cause, my tiny compatriot,
all for the cause.

Kindergarten curriculum has come a long way since inflatable Letter People, singalongs, and sand tables.  Kindergarteners are expected to learn to read and write at a capacity their parents would not have reached until 3rd grade, at least.  And of course, there are only so many hours in a day, so this necessitates homework...for five-year-olds.  Never mind that the Dictator can't yet tie her shoes or understand the basic social mores involved in sharing toys; she is one more soldier in the fight for world dominance, and she will practice reading, math and handwriting with the passion befitting such a warrior.  

A very special celebration for the students who
return their work on time.  A very special shaming
ceremony for those who do not. 

Wait...did I just say handwriting?  Obviously.  What better way to beat the Chinese and their dastardly Communist regime than by correct letter formation?  The Dictator frequently gets letters home urging us to drill her more diligently in this area.  It seems that correct letter formation is crucial to "competing globally" and showing Hu Jintao who's boss. In light of this, the Dictator has brought home more than one dense handwriting homework packet, in which she is expected to demonstrate "quality work."  

The goal of such rigorous training is twofold.  First, it weeds out the weak.  You can't sit still long enough to plow through 26 pages of drudgery because you're a six-year-old boy?  Can't quite grip that pencil correctly because your tiny, newly-hatched brain has yet to develop the necessary fine motor skills?  You would rather play with your dolls and take a much-needed nap than work on homework for two hours after school?  Weakling!  You fail!  The Communists will eat you alive!  Nothing like a little social Darwinism to up the academic ante, eh?

 Secondly, if for some reason, the United States does  fail to live up to its China-destroying goals (perhaps due to those ridiculous arts programs eating away at precious Spanish language and engineering class time), the next generation of American children might stand a fighting chance at surviving in our newly-colonized society.  After all, Chinese characters are even harder  to write.

So write on, little Dictator!  The nation applauds you.  And for all your self-sacrificing work we say, "Thank you."  I mean, "gracias."

The Dictator has her game face on. 
Take that, Hu!

The Anarchist gets a jumpstart
on handwriting practice.  Doing
her nation proud!

*At the time, I considered asking if it wouldn't be more useful to advocate courses in conversational Mandarin, rather than Spanish, if it was the Chinese we sought to "beat."  But the man clearly knew what he was talking about.  In retrospect it is obvious to me that Spanish and handwriting are the two most crucial tools in our arsenal if we are to maintain our dominance as a society.  I'm glad I didn't question him...it turns out he was a prophetic genius.