Things Mortons Hate

In the spirit of trying to be more positive, here is an updated list of all things the Mortons positively hate. Please avoid these things for your own safety.

The Dictator: water (like, any of it ever) beans, cleaning, the outdoors, excited puppies, any fruit that isn't a strawberry, cats in close proximity, tornadoes, when other people try to clean things, "spicy things" (including garlic, black pepper, and probably parsley, if we're going to be honest with ourselves), clothing with too much embellishment, physical contact with another human being, walking anywhere, when people don't like puns, being interrupted...even if the house is on fire...even if she herself is on fire, practicing anything, melted cheddar cheese, not having a phone, sleeping, brushing her hair, having her hair cut, bees, gummy fruit snacks, having people mistake her for belonging to the wrong Hogwarts house, when servers bring her drink in completely offensive lidded kiddie cups at restaurants (this is the very worst thing of all the things)

The Dictator hates hugs,
the Anarchist hates resistance to hugs

Anarchist: restraint, silence, any moment that isn't completely full of friends and parties, when cats don't let her snuggle for long enough, when dogs don't let her hold them tightly enough, sitting, laying, standing still, long distance relationships, when animals die, when other people get hugs, when someone is crying and that someone isn't her, basically when anyone besides her is getting any attention at all, noodles, potatoes, melted cheese (who ARE these people?), having to use an inside voice, broccoli, cleaning, stopping to use the bathroom, not snuggling, having to be wary of strangers, shoes, shopping anywhere ever, bees

Bureaucrat: losing an argument, losing Monopoly, losing control of his emotions, losing control of anything, clothing of the wrong texture, finances, being hurried, my bad aim when shooting hoops into the garbage can with various garbage items, the fact that I even think that shooting hoops into the garbage can is a thing, the way I load the dishwasher, Michigan, feet

Me: chewing noises, swallowing noises, breathing noises, unnecessary movement, loud voices, practical things, vacuums, having to wear socks, long division, the white part of hard boiled eggs, humidity, being trapped behind someone walking too slowly in a stairwell/narrow hallway, sad animal movies, throat clearing noises, mostly just any noises, any meal without cheese, injustice, answering the phone, pretty much all the phone calls forever, being awake in the afternoon, slow talking, the song "Boogie Shoes."

The Fat Assassin: when the hugs from the Anarchist become too passionate, when there is one bite missing from the food dish and the idiot people don't refill it, that thing where the people sit on the couch and leave her the *exact perfect spot,* but it is not exactly perfect *enough,* and she is forced to bite someone because that's what one does when a couch spot is only *almost* perfect,  defecating in the litter box, dogs, that woman person she lives with, other cats, pretty much all living creatures, thunderstorms, light rain, when the people won't let her in the bathroom to bite their legs while they pee

The Fat Assassin also hates accessories