Seriously, What the Smurf?!

Two pieces of Smurf-related news:

The Good News:  The Dictator has finally exited her Only Pink phase, and has admitted Smurf-blue shades into her wardrobe, declaring this particular shade of blue her "new favorite color."  (In other news, the Anarchist has assumed the role of "pink wearer" in our family...thank goodness we have loads of princess colored hand-me-downs in which to stuff her little pink-loving self).

The Bad News: I have a weather-induced migraine that no amount of caffeine/medication/rocking and drooling can vanquish...and the kids are playing "Smurf" again.

Smurfs can be temporarily subdued
with lollipops.

To clarify, the Smurfs are not responsible for my extremely painful headache; I blame the month of November for that.  But they aren't exactly helping.  See, playing "Smurf" is a loud endeavor.  Loud and physically active.  The game begins with non-stop, panicked shrieking and consistently ends with someone bleeding.  We need to buy stock in Hello Kitty bandages.  Can you even buy stock in Hello Kitty bandages?

Phrases overheard during "Smurf" include:

"Oh, how shall we ever survive in a universe with two Gargamels?" 

"C'mon. Let's go up to my mushroom."  

"I'll lead the way through the dark, dark night." 

"We should just start throwing things." 

"Apparently, I want you to stop laughing and start being not crazy."

"Stop big-sheeping me!" 

And my all time favorite:

"I don't care what you want.  I just care what you need.  And right now, you need a throw-up bucket."

When did Smurf culture become this passionate and intense (and, for that matter, nauseated)?  When I was little, the Smurfs were on the television in the background, but I mostly ignored them...because they were weird.*  My children, on the other hand, run around from dawn until dusk in chemical saturated, cancer-inducing white foam hats, diving off of furniture, slamming headlong into one another, and tormenting the Fat Assassin (who has unwillingly been cast in the role of  "Azrael"), in a Smurf-inspired frenzy.  The Anarchist has even announced her intentions of becoming a Smurf when she grows up.**

The Anarchist dressed for her
future occupation of Smurf.

Fortunately, there are good things that come out of this noisy, violent, cat-torturing, furniture-destroying game:

1. The Anarchist and the Dictator willingly (and cooperatively) play together for hours.  This is a game with something for everyone: a world to control for the Dictator, untold anarchy for the Anarchist.
2. Smurf Village has enacted a new Politeness Initiative.  Thus, I hear my blue and white clad offspring muttering things such as, "I love to help you out.  This is so polite.  Thank you so much.  I just adore being a kind, polite person...I mean, Smurf."
3. It encourages imagination.  I know.  This is obvious.  You probably heard me complaining about all of this and thought, "What an awful parent!  Doesn't she know that imaginative play is an essential part of childhood development?"  Why yes.  Yes I do.  But knowing that doesn't make my migraine any less painful.
4. The children's vocabulary has been--somehow--positively influenced by the world of Smurfs.  New words include, "miserable," "sickly," "survival," and "scattering."  
5. It gives the Dictator an opportunity to practice dictating...and also an environment in which to experiment with bureaucracy.  Smurf Village has at least five town meetings a day. Smurfette, the Dictator's alter ego, will often "adjourney" the meetings after "motioning" that they schedule another for later in the day.  Recently, the Smurfs' politeness awareness combined with the Dictator's new-found love of meetings to produce this little gem:
   "I move to end this stupid meeting until a later date.  Also, I move that we make a rule never to say 'stupid.'"
6. As a result of repeatedly viewing a compilation DVD of vintage Smurf episodes, the Anarchist and the Dictator are learning important lessons about life and death***.  In Season 2, Episode 12, Smurfette loses a pet mouse (who is also a village hero) to smoke inhalation and "runs away from life" in order to protect herself from more loss.  I mean, it's better than an After School Special.  They just don't make 'em like they used to.****

So, I guess I don't have too much to complain about.  They're being creative, expanding their vocabularies, playing cooperatively, practicing manners, and brushing up on their meeting lingo.  Now, if I could only pry them out of their filthy, flea-infested Smurf costumes for two seconds and get them to stop "invoking" things all the time, we'd be good to go...and then I wouldn't have to run away from life.

The Dictator in her new "favorite color,"
Smurf Blue.  Note that she is not currently
trying to run away from life.

*She-Ra, with its much more plausible plot and realistically rendered animation, was by far the more rational choice.
**A far less realistic career role than my chosen future occupation of "She-Ra's long lost sister."
***The Anarchist has actually become a touch obsessed with death.  She talks about dying rodents constantly.  It's rather morbid.
****You have to see it for yourself. That way, you'll be fully prepared to deal with the most profound problems of existence, too.