confessions of a recovering hypochondriac

This year, as cold and flu season rolls around I am behaving in a seemingly normal fashion.  Both my kids have had flu shots, but I haven't had time to get mine yet.  I wash my hands regularly, but sometimes I forget to keep them away from my face.  I appreciate it when other people cover their coughs, but I'll get over it if they don't.

If the above paragraph seems unremarkable to you, then you obviously weren't one of the blessed few who got to spend last cold and flu season with me.  You see, last year I had, in layman's terminology, hypochondria.  Or as the psych professionals would call it, "health related anxiety.  Or as the Bureaucrat would probably put it, Crazygirlwhothinksshe'sgoingtodieprettymuchconstantlyitis. A selfish, crazy, evil little old lady didn't cover her cough correctly in the grocery store?  She was sure to be infected with Tuberculosis (H1N1 was for sissies...I had already "died" of it six times over) and I was next.  The small paper cut on my finger that was persistently stingy was probably going to usher in my last days on earth, because you can't have a paper cut without a serious blood infection.  And what about that time I got "chronic, slow-onset bacterial meningitis?"*  Sounds like a blast, no?  Turns out I slept funny on my neck and it was just a little sore...or was it?

Vanquishing mold in a more recent super-crazy moment.  No, it didn't kill me, but I'm convinced that it almost did.

The good news is, even though I still get a touch paranoid from time to time, the worst of it seems to be over.  I caught myself getting a little nervous after taking the Anarchist to the pediatrician for an ear infection. (The Anarchist, on the other hand was totally unfazed, having received her much cherished, post-appointment "lolly.")  What if I caught it, it developed and got worse, and it was never treated (because no doctor worth their salt believes an adult has an ear infection)?  And then it would spread to my brain, and of course I would probably die of bacterial meningitis brought on by medical neglect...oh woe is me, etc.  But this is just a temporary foray into paranoia (I think).  I haven't been to my doctor in almost a year, so the receptionists can no longer think of me as "that nice crazy girl."  My kidneys, liver and heart are of little concern to me now.  And my hands no longer bleed from over-washing.

The Anarchist appears unconcerned that she suffers from an infection so near to her brain. 

Still, I kind of wish I wasn't forever being inundated with "helpful" health information.  I could do without the posters plastered all over the pediatrician's office warning of whooping cough dangers.  And the Christmas tree in the park festooned with the warning signs of esophageal cancer/imminent doom really felt over-the-top.  But maybe that's just me.  Because I may be getting better...but I'm still a crazy person.  Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash my hands.  I have the strangest feeling that this keyboard is covered with a rare and deadly bacteria...


*I made this rare and deadly disease up myself by mashing two actual rare and (pretty) deadly diseases together.  Sure it doesn't exist (yet).  But there's always a first!