Me: "Dictator, a long, long time ago, God gave some people some really important rules to live by. Do you know what those rules are?"
the Dictator (shrugging, disinterestedly): "No."
Me: "Well, why don't you think about what rules might be the most important. You can make them up if you don't know."
the Dictator (eyes lighting up with crazed joy at the idea of creating rules): "Okay! Here is what everyone should do. These are the good rules."
The Ten Good Rules
(given unto the Morton's from the mouth of the Dictator)
Never ever mess up something.
No tossing stuff around (unless it's flowers...in a bouquet).
No punching anybody.
No kicking.
No swinging on anything. Well, you can swing on swings. That would be so silly if you couldn't swing on swings. That's what they're for.
No throwing your food on the floor.*
No spilling water.**
No knocking over people's stuff.
No going like this.***
No breaking boxes that have food and stuff in them. Because then you'll break my graham crackers...and I won't eat them if they're broken...ever.
*the Dictator proceeded to demonstrate a violation of this precept by tossing a strawberry to the ground in a dramatic fashion.
**Much like the sin of Onan, spilling water is a grievous waste of resources. I wonder if the Dictator is familiar with the sin of Onan. I sure hope not. The Bureaucrat and I once did an entire presentation on it in health class in college...because we were seniors in a class full of freshman and couldn't be bothered to take presentations on birth control seriously. Anyway, I hope the Dictator didn't find our visual aids from that presentation. That might be a problem. That stick figure was up to no good. Although he did get smote...so at least there's a moral...I guess. I'm pretty sure we threw the poster away. Why would we keep it? And why are you still reading this?
***the Dictator proceeds to careen wildly about the room like a drunkard, finally sliding headlong on her belly into the coffee table. Do as she says, not as she does.
3 comments:
nothing about honoring the mother or the father I noticed
Are you surprised? The entire thing is all about controlling her physical environment. I'm just glad she didn't put in the one about adultery. That would've been weird.
Hilarious! It WOULD be a nice environment if everyone followed those "commandments", tho. Alot of other things would be going to Hell in a handbasket at the ssame time, but...the floor would be much cleaner and no one would be "careering" (you might want to edit that) into coffee tables!
word: yonsubb (I feel like they are taking these word verifications from IKEA products)
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