But this year's going to be different. This year I'm going to be prepared. This year I'm going to teach them about the real meaning of Christmas (and no, not the part where we just kinda co-opted a pagan holiday to appease the masses and win more converts...the other part...the part about incarnation).
The problem is where to begin. I decided to do a basic theological survey of their tiny belief systems in order to better understand what framework of belief these kids are already operating within. What patchwork of pop culture, Veggie Tales, nightmares, commercials, and various tiny bits of church do they use to inform their belief in the metaphysical? Do they have a belief in the metaphysical? (I have been given reason to believe, on many occasions, that the Dictator is a raving Atheist). I decided to find out.
Speaking of Faith: the Bitty God Interviews
Okay girls, why do we celebrate Christmas?
The Dictator: To have love. And to celebrate Jesus' birthday. (Hooray! Score one orthodox belief by osmosis!)
The Anarchist: I like princesses. (Boo! Hiss! Score one for Satan somehow working through princesses).
Who is Jesus?
The Dictator: Someone who saves people from bad things. Like having bad dreams. (Aww...)
The Anarchist: Somebody who is like...<holds hands about 2 feet apart>...this long. She's like this big. (And apparently the Anarchist has quite the feminist theology going on here.)
What was Jesus' mommy's name?
the Dictator: Mary
What about Jesus' daddy?
the Dictator: Joseph
the Anarchist: Michael. (Uh oh. Does she think that she's Jesus?)
Okay, Mommy's going to ask a follow up question. Jesus had an adoptive daddy. But he also had a really special, important real daddy. Do you know who that daddy is?
the Dictator: <looks at me like I'm nuts>
the Anarchist: His name is Grandpa Drex.
Where was Jesus born?
the Dictator: A stable. (Follow up question. What is a stable?) I dunno.
the Anarchist: In a car.
(The Dictator laughed uproariously at this one, but I feel like it's what might have been the result of "No room at the inn," or "No room on the Labor and Delivery Unit," in this day and age.)
What are angels?
the Dictator: They have a dress and be on the star of the stable. They are happy about being up there.
the Anarchist: It goes very fast. Like vroom, vroom! (Oh geez, she thinks angels are cars.)
What did the 3 Wise Men do?
the Dictator: They talked about the baby. "We should give this baby gifts!" (Follow up question. Why?) Just for love. (Awww...I think I can work with this!)
the Anarchist: They are Kabah, BaaBaa, and Doggie. (Okay, so she just named them. Whatever. She's three. What do you want from her?)
Why do we pray?
the Dictator: To thank God for food and toys and stuff. (Oh, so she has been paying attention when we say grace! I guess just because she refuses to pray herself, doesn't mean that she has no concept of why other people do it!)
the Anarchist (sweetly folds her hands and mimics Precious Moments figure): Dear God, <incoherent mumble>, A-MEN! (To which the dictator responds, "You hate MEN??!")
What's God like?
the Dictator: <shrug>
the Anarchist (with a great deal of certainty): Like, THIS big! (She does the hand motion thing again. God is, it turns out, physically larger than Jesus. Makes sense.)
Where is God?
the Dictator: God lives in a big castle at Canada. In the castle, God has lots of food and stuff...and furniture.
the Anarchist: At his family house with his mama and his daddy.
Where is heaven? (I tried this one only after my initial question, "What is heaven?" drew blank stares.)
the Dictator: Canada?
the Anarchist: At Grammy's house.
Who made everything? (It's a loaded question, I know.)
the Dictator: You. (Hmm...I like it, but it smacks of blasphemy.)
the Anarchist: I did. <pause, and then in an awed voice, right out of a kid's Sunday school film> God.
What is sin?
the Dictator: I don't know. (Don't worry she's not done yet.) Somewhere that you go...a great place. Real talking birdies fly there. And it has beautiful princesses, like Barbies, or Disney princesses live there. Like Tiana and Ariel. Lots of princesses...like Princess Potty (don't ask). THOSE kinds of princesses.
the Anarchist: It's like, somebody. Like a friend.
(Oh dear. Certain denominations would not be pleased.)
What are your thoughts on predestination and freewill. Which one do you find dominates your personal theology?
the Dictator (after demanding that I explain these concepts to her): I think that we were always going to do the things that we do.
the Anarchist (without hesitation): I like freewill.
So far, I've come to the conclusion the the Dictator has a very kindgom-based theology. Which I can work with. Of course, it's not Kingdom of God, Prince of Peace, powers and principalities, and the like, which would be highly convenient. But I think I can work with her fairy tale images. At least I have a starting point. The Anarchist will be a bit more of a challenge. I think in her mind she envisions God (the Father...we're not even getting into the trinity, until they're, like, 30) and Jesus on a racetrack, burning rubber, spinning out, and "vrooming" past one another. "Eat my dust!" says Jesus. But really, in the end, God will have the upper hand, because he's like, this tall.
P.S. There's more fun with kiddie theology to come. Look for "The Dictator's 10 Commandments" and "Pictures of God," soon!
1 comment:
I like this one...and it's nice to know about their little spiritual selves. :}
(jarguln)
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