"Good" Housekeeping Tip of the Week: Housekeeping Alternatives

 Tip #2: Housekeeping Alternatives

Of course, it would be lovely to keep a clean and orderly house all of the time.  But let's be honest, who really wants to?  Okay, so I know there are a few of you crazy people out there who actually enjoy the process of scrubbing, vacuuming, washing and dusting, but I just can't see the draw.  So I've prepared a list of useful alternatives to housekeeping for those times when you really would rather not.

Get Out

If you and your loved ones are not at home, you're not making a mess and you probably aren't noticing the mess that is already dominating your home.  School functions, extracurricular activities, library trips, errands, and dining out are all good ways to stay the heck away from that place you'd rather not clean.  Already done all that?  Why not get creative and schedule a family tour of your local water filtration plant, accounting firm or halfway house?  With all that crazy good fun on the calendar, there will be very little time to breathe, let alone glance around the house and realize you're living in squalor.

Get a Maid


First, of course, you must become wealthy.  If you're already wealthy, you might want to consider becoming wealthier so that you can hire a personal chef as well. 


Get Important


Have you ever noticed that really important people are never really expected to do much outside of their realm of importance?  So you're a little eccentric, live with 18 cats, hoard donkeys, sleep on your stacks of Encylopedias, etc.  It's acceptable because after all, you're a genius/innovator/famous person/prodigy.  I haven't mastered this one myself, but I'm working on it.


Get Sick

I got sick this week...cold...nasty thing.  Anyway, when I got sick no one expected me to do anything.  It was glorious.  I had a built in excuse to lounge on the couch and have people bring me food and take care of themselves.  The few times the Bureaucrat suggested that I make a meal, clean the coffee pot, or empty the dishwasher, I had but to remind him that this would give him my germs and he immediately set about doing these things for himself.  He even put the Dictator and the Anarchist to bed without my having to ask.

This got me thinking.  If I could enjoy the benefits of lounging and being served with a cold, how much more enjoyable would these things be without the nasty headache, raw throat, dizziness, malaise, and overall feeling of impending doom?  There's no telling!

Don't get me wrong, sometimes I just lay around and hope the house will magically clean itself even when I'm perfectly healthy.  But then I don't get sympathetic people offering to do things for me; I get indignant complaints about why I'm not serving quickly enough (the Dictator), or keeping things neat enough (the Bureaucrat), or being cuddly enough (the Anarchist), or making my fleshy calves available enough (the Fat Assassin).

So the solution, I think, is to feign illness on those days when you just aren't really sick.  That way, no one complains about your laziness and you don't have those nasty side effects like vomiting and...well...you know.  I really think I'm onto something here.  Now if only I could kick that nasty conscience of mine and I'd be all set.