bitty love triangles

I guess charisma comes with the territory of being a dictator. I never expected it would happen this early, but our little Dictator has been working her charismatic charms on all of the little kindergarten men, and as a result, has become something of a heartthrob.

Last year there were hints of this dilemma. While she was swooning over a classmate who happened to look good in a hat, another little guy--we'll just call him Quiet Little Red-Haired Boy--was pining for her attention. She came around eventually, but he endured a great deal of wistful waiting before she realized that maybe Quiet Little Red-Haired Boy was worthy of her time.

This year, it's Little Blond-Haired Boy, who is equally adorable, sweet and intelligent (I don't know about the Dictator's taste in men, but I do know that the ones who pursue her are parent-pleasers for sure...let's hope this lasts through college). This year, the Dictator took less time to notice. I suspect that this is partly due to the wisdom that comes with experience, and partly due to his following her like a lost puppy for the entire first month of kindergarten, begging her to marry him. Whatever the reason, she relented early and began enjoying the attention her romantic entanglements elicited from the rest of the class.

Unfortunately these attentions were not all positive. The superior social sophistication of kindergarteners brought with it a problem that the Dictator, with only preschool relationship experience, could not have anticipated--jealousy. I'm not sure that there aren't equally worthy boys in the Dictator's class who would make excellent matches for those kindergarten girls seeking a committed 5-year-old relationship. But let's be honest, ladies, they're always more desirable when they're taken, aren't they? Little Blond-Haired Boy is no different. No sooner did the Dictator and Little Blond-Haired Boy begin to exchange vows in a lovely, quaint playground ceremony, than the Dictator's braids were set upon by a jealous and enraged female rival, bent on "objecting" to the union in a dramatic fashion.

Of course, this did nothing to dissuade the Dictator, who now saw the relationship as less of a novelty and more of a challenge. "Little Blond-Haired Boy really likes me the best. He wants to marry me. But he doesn't like Enraged Braid Puller at all, and that makes Enraged Braid Puller ticked. I think SHE wants to marry him!" she says with a smug grin. Lovely.

There are other more subtle jealousies present, too. Pretty Headband Girl who lives next door to Little Blond-Haired Boy and was, up until now, his best friend, burst into tears and fled into her house upon seeing the Dictator approach Little Blond-Haired Boy's house for a play date. And I'm pretty sure I saw rolling 5-year-old eyes when the topic was brought up on the day I volunteered in the Dictator's classroom.

Thankfully, I have complete confidence that the Dictator, like her mother, will become the world's biggest nerd by the time she hits 8-years-old, thereby resolving these issues quickly. At least, I hope that will be the case. Because, apparently, hell hath no fury like a kindergartener scorned.